This is going to be a short post. I am a Pittsburgh resident. I like Pittsburgh. The people are nice. The city is beautiful. I'll post some pictures of everything soon. Long and short. Praise God, He knows what he is doing.

So, it's been a very interesting summer and the end of it has culminated in some very interesting situations. Since I'm going to post this and allow it to be read by those on facebook, I'm going to not go into most of them. However, one particular situation deserves note.

 As most of you know, I'm looking for another job. My current employer is looking to move me to Pittsburgh and under the circumstances, I really do not want to go. I've been doing my best to send out resumes, around here and in other towns, to find other positions within the company, or to just get a raise. Twice now, however, I've had the most annoying thing thrown out to me.

 First let me begin by saying that they are saying bascially, if you keep whining about not getting a raise to move to Pittsburgh, you are going to be labeled a whiner... *shakes like a fifth grader....in his boots*....and it will be duly noted. And although  my boss indicated today that there were potential opportunities if I take some classes in the future, his tune on Tuesday was more along the lines of "Yeah, i'm going to need you to go ahead and work Saturday..... and Sunday..... without pay"

 Anyway, so the real gag factor. First when the offer was first made to me, there was mention, by one of the bosses that his daughter had a single roommate, and were I to move to Pittsburgh, he would put in a good word for me/give me her number........

 Second, today, while grinning and bearing the conversation with my boss...telling me that coming on as an independant contractor would limit my potential with the company (fancy speak for we like having you by the balls), he pointed out as a side comment that "When you get to Pittsburgh and meet the woman of your dreams, you'll be thanking all of us." I'm sorry I know they are simply trying to be helpful......but I'm sorry, my love life doesn't have business in being discussed under the category of this move. Gag me with a sledge hammer. Why don't you go ahead and just set me up... arrange my marriage... yessuh massa. How bouts i gets you some more grits!

 

I'm going to type this and I'll share a side of me that I don't share a lot of, mainly because I hate the comments people have. I'll put it this way. I love chick flicks... or at least romantic comedies. I also hate them.

 I really do love them. I'm the hopeless romantic type. I believe in chivalry. I believe in traditional values. I believe that men should be men and women women. But most of all..... I believe in love. I believe in that happy RETARDEDLY GAY heart stuff.... honesty, integrity, sticking faithful to what you know is right, and more importantly, to those whom you have committed.

 And I hate them. With a PASSION! And here is exactly why i never share it. I even know what you are going to say in the back of your head.... In Fact.... I'll list them out for you.... try these and I won't even need to state how I feel:

 You're young

 You'll find someone

 God has it all planned out

 Just be patient

oh and the ever lovely...... When you quit looking is when she'll show up.

I'm sorry but this makes me want to SCREAM profanities at the top of my lungs. Let's show how little you actually care for my feellings by tossing some trite saying my way. Thanks and may someone pee on your grave too.

 Here;s the scenario. I went with a missionary friend and her aunt to dinner and a movie tonight. We were going to see The Hangover. I know, it's probably filthy, but a bunch of friends said it was hilarious.... so I want to see it. She decides when we get to the theatre that she doesn't want to listen to the language and I can totally respect that....totally. So we go watch the proposal and as I really do like chick flicks, I say sure. And it was hilarious. I relate a ton with Ryan Reynolds anyway, his humor style, his ease with people, but I even moreso did in this film......because it's about a guy who's sacrificed and left the good life, family, easier wealth, friends, .....for something less secure and less ....solid. He left all this for his dreams. If that doesn't ring close to home. On top of that, here comes this woman intent on her goals and not caring how much she presses her size 4 heels into his precious life.....and then she sees who he really is, where he's come from, how much he's respected, and how good and talented of a person he really is. And she can't hold up the lie any longer. And she does the only thing in love she may have ever done. She leaves. I'm not going to ruin the rest of the movie other than to say it is a romantic comedy. It left me with my heart all warm and gushy.....everyone collectively sigh.....ahhhhhh.

 And then I walk out of the theatre and reality sets in. And I realize I am alone....again.... only this time I've seen that beauty of love between a man and a woman and it has touched my soul..... and I suddenly need to work out....but I can't becuase it's too late and I have to be up early. I want to break something, to run for a couple miles, to (as my buddy Aaron would say) eat some raw meet, chew some steel, drink motor oil. Why you ask? Because I am vulnerable, and can I say it .... I am lonely. And you know what makes matters even worse. Those phrases above. Poor Jess and Auntie Debbie. When I get to the car I crank my music and speed back to my place to get them to the car. Thinking that maybe, since I've matured, I can slow down a little and actually talk about what's bothering me, I mention the problem I have with movies like this is they make you feel how alone you are. And of course, Debbie pipes in....."Ahh but you are young." Thanks..... that's the reason guys never show their feelings, the reason that we never bear our souls, that we'd rather go kill something, or drive fast, or blow something up.... because there we can get emotional release without sensitivity. All my life I've heard women complain about men being the insensitive ones. Well women listen up......you are insensitive too. In fact, the real reason we don't open up to you is because you don't even care enough to listen to us. You think we don't notice when we really start to open up about a topic and you tune us out? When we really get excited about something and you try to change the subject. Don't blame us when we are insenstive to you.

 Sorry that was a bit of a tirade and not totally fair. I honestly almost grabbed the bottle of wine I had leftover from last week..... to down it and pass out. It's not something I do often, but I figured it would dulll the pain.... and the Spirit stopped me. "No, deadening the pain does not heal it."So I hit my knees and prayed. It's not new to me, i just don't share it with anyone, but I'm sharing it with you ....now.... whoever has chosen to read my journal. :) Welcome, by the way.

 I have no conclusion in any of this other than that I look forward to my dreams......to someday really being able to love rightly and have it returned...... and even when it isn't. Just to have someone to lift up and fight for and invest in every single day......To fight for...... and to lay down my life for..... and to test everything by fire for......

 I'm off to bed. My alarm goes off in 5 hours. I bid you adieu......